Key takeaways: Separation anxiety is a normal stage that often starts between about 6 and 10 months, as babies learn that you exist when you’re out of sight. It can lead to bedtime tears and night waking. A predictable routine, a short and loving goodbye, daytime practice with brief separations, and calm reassurance help.
Your baby who used to go to bed easily now cries when you leave the room. Separation anxiety is a normal, healthy sign of attachment.
Why It Happens
As babies develop object permanence, they understand that you still exist when you’re gone, and they want you back. They don’t yet understand that you’ll return.
When It Happens
It often starts between 6 and 10 months and can peak again between 12 and 18 months. It usually eases by around 2 to 3 years, though it can return during changes.
Helping at Bedtime
- Keep a predictable routine with plenty of cuddles.
- Say goodnight with a short, warm phrase you use every time.
- Leave confidently. Lingering can make it harder.
- Return briefly to reassure if needed, keeping it calm and quiet.
- Consider a small lovey after 12 months. Before 12 months, the AAP advises nothing in the crib.
Daytime Practice
- Play peekaboo and hide-and-seek games.
- Practice short separations, like leaving the room for a minute and returning.
- Always say goodbye instead of sneaking away.
Night Wakings
- Respond calmly and consistently.
- Keep lights dim and interactions brief.
- It’s okay to comfort your baby. You won’t create bad habits by responding to genuine distress.
When to Talk to Your Doctor
If anxiety seems extreme, lasts a long time, or affects daily life, talk with your pediatrician.
The Bottom Line
Separation anxiety is normal and temporary. Predictable routines, warm goodbyes, and daytime practice help your baby feel secure.
Want more support for your baby’s first year? My book, From First Breath to First Birthday, is available on Amazon.
Sources
- American Academy of Pediatrics. Separation anxiety. HealthyChildren.org. https://www.healthychildren.org
- Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Important milestones: your baby by 9 months. https://www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/actearly
- Moon RY, Carlin RF, Hand I; Task Force on Sudden Infant Death Syndrome; Committee on Fetus and Newborn. Sleep-related infant deaths: updated 2022 recommendations for reducing infant deaths in the sleep environment. Pediatrics. 2022;150(1):e2022057990.
This article is for general education and is not a substitute for individualized medical advice. Always talk with your baby’s health care provider or your own provider about your specific situation. If you think your baby or you may have a medical emergency, call 911.
